Middle Minutes Adoration

Twenty years ago this week, he proposed. This photo is the night we got engaged – full of anticipation, with no idea of what might come when two lives and two histories collided.⁣

Yikes. Can anyone else relate: we used to have the same argument 23 times in a year — different scenarios, same aches? Different topic, same script. Circling the ring, again and again.⁣

There are dozens of things that contribute to more-than-survival in a marriage, but the one I’ve been thinking most about lately, as I see the pain in marriages all around me (pain we’ve known – *familiar* pain), is this: I didn’t just marry the 23-year-old Nate. He didn’t just marry the 23-year-old Sara. God wasn’t suspended in that singular moment – He brought me with my history into a union with Nate and his history.⁣

The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (and … Joseph) is a storied God who births, raises, and *heals* storied people, from storied families. ⁣

You see, Nate married a woman who’d been shaped by her history, her family, even the generations before her. And I married 23 years of life and story and narrative in Nate, which predated me. ⁣

Only when we started to see the layers in each other —  the history that infused that same hurtful comment he said thirty times, that infused that same roll of the eyes I made just as many — did the argument begin to change. ⁣

The man or woman you married has a history that God wants to reach into, breathe on, and speak healing life over. The rift you keep circling may not be just about you but, instead, may mark a place that is longing for God’s healing touch. It may be the place that was hurting for decades before you entered their life.  ⁣

God can use marriage (yes, even the painful moment you’ve found yourself in in your marriage) to heal the deepest aches in a person. Many of us know the wounding that’s come through marriage, but now as I look at this picture, I remember, this marriage hasn’t just been the place that has wounded us … but it’s also the space He is using to heal us.