He didn’t know all he would have to lose for our marriage to grow. I didn’t know all I would have to lose for our marriage to grow.
We do this subtle thing where we take the deepest needs of our hearts to one another. (Things like our desire for peace and no conflict, to be understood, cherished, be seen, and be safe). It feels right, good. We *should* receive elements of those things in marriage. But when we push, push, push those needs on another, first, we miss the healthiest place we can have them met (the only place we can have them deeply met)… and our marriage buckles under the pressure.
The healthy place: when I experience Jesus bringing me a peace that no marital conflict can disrupt, when I see God seeing parts of me that no human can know, when I start to let myself receive the safety God talks about in His Word.
Some of you are in the middle of a significant loss: you are losing what you thought marriage would give you. I’ve been there. Can I be your big sister and say: this isn’t the end of your marriage. It could be the beginning of a healthier, more connected marriage than you dreamed you could have.
Often, we unthinkingly work like mad to resist the “loss” instead of bringing the ache of unmet desire and loss to Him and letting Him meet us and speak into us right there. (Loss can be gain … in marriage, too.)