God, every time I get close to You –I mean really close… so close I feel as if Your heartbeat and mine are One … so close that what was crystal clear becomes blurry and I become lucid to only Your impression … so close that I don’t know if I ever want to leave this nexus of being undone, yet uncompromisingly safe …
… I realize how very little I know You. And I become alert to foundational ways I’ve thought and grids around which I’ve constructed my life that seem to fall apart under the weight of Your glory. I have a keen awareness in this moment that what cannot stand now while in Your presence will perish in the end. Oh God, I don’t want to go my whole life thinking I know You and then get to the end and have You say “I never knew you…”
As I stand under the spout of your goodness, I realize I can not leave unchanged. (Which is maybe why I so resist sitting under that spigot.)
So all I can do is ask: God give me Your eyes. Give me Your eyes for my children. Give me Your eyes for my life. Give me Your eyes for my husband, and my friends, and even the people who seem to get in the way of my dreams. Give me Your eyes for the hurting and the broken, the lost. Give me Your eyes for me. And give me Your eyes for You.
Remind me that this work in me is not finished.
Change me from one who strives to be finished and then be used for Your glory, to one who is so very comfortable being unfinished by You, while Your glory abounds.
And grace me with a spirit of expectancy. Rather than being one who strives to “press on” through the wall, give me the humility to expect (and then accept) a breakthrough that only Your Spirit can bring. In an instant, even.
I am needy. And You are whole. Solvent.
Make me new.