I’m feeling pouty.
It’s this two-year old thing that rises up in me on occasion. Much like someone who frequently gets migraines and has the ability to detect the onset, I’ve become a master at identifying early warning signs of pout.
I’ll spare you the details, as this grumpiness deserves no glory.
One thing I’ve noticed, though, is that this self-pity tends to come at times when I feel like God is most calling me to prayer. It’s a finely-crafted distraction which enters the scene just in time to prevent me from keeping my eyes fixed on His long-term agenda and my short-term engagement with that agenda. (Really, my engagement with Him.)
So as I wrestle with this wait for a court date, and the unexpected delays that have had us waiting while others have breezed through this mile marker and onto the next … I suppose the victory at this stage is that I have finally resolved to glean as much out of the waiting as I can.
We so often see the “waiting room” as only a kind of purgatorial necessity before the “real” thing you’re waiting for happens. And while I believe the Lord wants us to persevere for these children, and their homecoming, there is life to be had in the waiting room.
So today, in response to the tantrum simmering in my heart over this long wait for a court date, I pray through this verse:
For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him. 2 Chronicles 16:9
His eyes are here …on me, on us … His eyes are in Ethiopia … on Eden on Caleb. And this morning I pray God, give me a heart that is loyal to you.
But my prayer wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t also pray ... show yourself strong on my behalf.
I want to be one who waits with EXPECTATION of the One who is able. The whole waiting process changes when I choose to believe He has good things in store for me. He hasn’t brought me this far to smite me. Seems simple but this pouty little heart of mine needs reminding that there is still a glory to be revealed on the other end of the waiting.
Running for long enough in a resistance pool (called the “waiting room”) makes you all the more agile when it’s just flat road ahead of you. While I haven’t yet seen this with my own eyes (athletes with stubborn hearts like mine tend to need more time running with resistance) — it’s what my Coach keeps telling me :).
Please pray we get a court date soon …